Time of Your Life

All I want is decent battery life.

I don't need a flashy screen. I don't need a camera; I certainly don't need a video camera. I don't need access to email or web browsing. I don't need to listen to mp3's. I don't need a tip calculator.

All I want is to get a couple of hours between charges to speak to other humans. Yet I am finding this desire impossible to achieve.

At the end of May I decided that, after a long life which included an ill-fated freezer incident (see here for details), my Motorla e815 was ready for retirement, and an upgrade was in order. My only requirements were those listed above.

First Verizon hooked me up with the Samsung Gleam. Not only did this phone fail to last more than a day, but I didn't like the flat button panel which prevented me from feeling which button was which.

No problem. I turned it in and replaced it with the LG 8350. The phone wasn't much to look at, but it was supposed to get great talk time. I believed that it would given that it was stoutly shaped (indicating a more robust battery than its razor thin competitors) and frugal on the display.

Negatory. I actually clocked the time on this one, and found that I was getting just about half the rated talk time. Not very impressive for a brand new phone. But when I brought it back to try again, I was curtly informed that I was only allowed one exchange. Verizon could give me a new unit of the LG, but that was it. Fine. I took a new unit... same problem.

It was time for a new approach. I called up Verizon customer service and claimed that my battery was defective. The rep told me that I could bring my phone to a Verizon retailer (not the dinky little Circuit City kiosk I had been going to up till now) and get the battery tested. If it really was defective, I'd get a brand new one.

Phone in hand, I headed out to my nearest retailer. There, I found out that - surprise - no battery testing apparatus actually existed, they just charged up the phone for a while and see how much talk time they could get; something I had already done.

Luckily, though, there must have been some kind of policy disparity between Verizon stores, because these guys told me I could return the LG and try a new one. Happy Day! These guys were nice! I trusted them more than those mean folks at Circuit City. So when they recommended the Motorola v9m, I naturally took it. After all, my last phone was a Motorola, and it was great.

Suffice it to say that the Motorola v9m... sucks. I probably should have figured that out, given its extremely huge LCD screen, as someone pointed out to me (JM). But what can I say? I was vulnerable. I swallowed their story and got stuck with a juice guzzler. After a full charge over shabbos, I've gotten 1 hour 17 minutes and I am down to 1 bar.

I have been told that there are other factors that lead to bad battery life. When I open the phone to check the time, when I send text messages - those all contribute to the drainage. And I don't get the best reception, which may (although shouldn't, according to the people I spoke to in the store) contribute further to the problem.

But are these factors really enough? CNET conducted actual tests for tons of phones, and they rate mine at 5 hours. Half a dozen text messages, half a dozen times opening the phone, not full reception... this really turns 5 hours into barely 1.5? Something is wrong here. And I demand justice.

Even if Verizon let me pick yet another phone, I don't really trust their options. I'd rather buy a used older model off eBay and get it programmed with my account. The only company I have faith in is Nokia, and they don't even do Verizon phones. And I want to keep my number.

If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears.