Behind Blue Eyes

I have just experienced the greatest achievement of my entire life.

That's right, I was able to put contact lenses into my eyes.

A little background: I have never been good with anything eye-related. My blinking reflexes are extremely powerful; clearly the evolved product of my Lithuanian ancestors. In the fierce Eastern European snowstorms of the past, only those who could quickly guard their eyes from the pointy flakes would survive.

This reflex has led to many a tense scene at the eye doctor. He practically had to hold my eyes open with a construction tool just to get the drops in. The worst was when I'd blink and he'd only get SOME of it in and he had to put in more. This kept happening and by the time he was done with me my eyes were so dilated that I couldn't tolerate natural light for the next 48 hours. And don't even get me started on the retinologist appointment. All I'll say is that there is probably no torture method more effective than dilating someone's eyes and then beaming a blasted floodlight directly into it for minutes at a time.

As you can imagine, I didn't even entertain the thought of contact lenses. Until recently. I began to critically evaluate the situation. Specifically, my thought process went as follows: "I want to wear contact lenses." And so I decided to do it, though I knew I'd be in for an uphill battle against my eyes.

Two weeks ago I went to the eye doc and she ordered me the lenses. Then, last Thursday, I went it to give it my first shot. She had showed me how to hold my eyes open really wide and tightly, so that I couldn't blink the lens away. I thought I was ready.

I was not. An hour and a half later, and still nothing. She managed to put them in for me, but I was coming nowhere close. The lens was slipping all over the place and my fingers could not hold my eyes open. My eyes, eyelids and face near my eyes were all red and sore from so much tugging shoving and failing.

My doctor gave me plenty of positive reinforcement and kept cheering me on, even though I was making zero progress. Finally, I gave up and decided to give it another shot the next week.

So I came in again today. My eye doc wasn't there, so instead I worked with the two ladies working at the store that day. I sat down with the lenses and tried again. The same exact thing was happening, and I felt I was getting further and further from ever accomplishing my goal..

..and then I did it. I don't even know how. I just did. First one lens, then soon later, the other. I whooped with joy and started high-fiving the two ladies. I was on fire, and they beamed at me. I got them out, too. I sat there and practiced a few more times. It felt good.

I'm nowhere near perfect, but I figure it's all downhill from here. They packed me up with my trials and sent me on my merry way, contacts-in. And here I am, glassesless and free.