Tangled Up in Blue

The Shabbos candles have long burned out, and the night hangs inside the Flyshack Palace. A small yellow light illuminates a sprawling world of blue flowers. As my eyes follow the curves and patterns, my mind is whisked into a wonderland of yesteryear, where behind every door lies a scene from my childhood, a piece of my past, a part of my self. Now, as we take this moment to remember what once was, I want to take you through some of those doors.

The flowers looked like faces. They came in threes, two on top for the eyes and one on the bottom as a small mouth. At first, the faces seemed bizarre, but as I grew to know and love them, they became like family. When I would come back to visit after a long absence, our eyes would meet in silent hello and I could almost see the mouth smile.

A stomach virus would bring me to the bathroom for nearly 24 hours straight. Those were painful ordeals, but I had a friend to help me through it. Their presence was reassuring - it represented the ability to persevere through hardships and come out on the other side standing strong.

I see myself as a toddler learning to brush my teeth. All around me are my blue friends, standing by to witness the occasion. Years later they are still there when I get braces and have to learn how to brush my teeth once again. They watch as I bring in a whole army of new friends - the shaver, the toenail clipper, the hair brush... they never protest about the new things in my life, because they know that they have a special place.

Now, they are gone. Two decades reduced to nothing in a matter of hours. The empty spaces on the wall cry out to me in a forlorn wail of loneliness. The new faces are not the same. And I - I am forced to close my eyes and escape into memory - the only place where I can find those peaceful pastures of blue.