I can be your gyro, baby

The other day I noticed that my fridge contained, among other things, lots of cucumbers and a big carton of plain yogurt. In my mind, cucumbers + yogurt = tzatziki. And if you give a mouse tzatziki, he's GOING to ask for some pita bread and roasted lamb slices to make a gyro sandwich. (By the way, "gyro" is pronounced "hero", making my title all the more clever)

This morning I made Greek yogurt. Greek yogurt is just regular yogurt that has drained over a coffee filter for 2 hours, letting out gross cloudy water and leaving behind thick, rich, tangy goodness. Tzatziki consists of said goodness mixed with diced cucumbers, garlic, dill and some oil and vinegar. It's kind of like what the Israelis at Gush used to eat for breakfast, execpt they used gevina levana. And it was gross.

However, despite the fact that my yogurt was labeled OU (no mention of D), I resisted the temptation to grill up some lamb to go with my tzatziki. I went vegetarian instead. Unfortunately, though, Morningstar has yet to come out with a lamb flavored product, so I decided to whip up my own. I found a log of vegetarian "ground beef" in my fridge, but I knew it needed to be doctored up. A lot. That stuff tastes like motor oil smells.

So I doctored. In went onion, spices, and lots of cholesterol and fat containing ingredients which I will not mention here; suffice it to say that they succeeded in turning the "meat" from atrocious to delicious in 5 minutes. The resulting paste was baked, sliced and grilled to golden done.

The result? The "meat" didn't quite taste like lamb, but it was definitely good. It was kind of like falafel. The tzatziki was the clear winner, though. I will be making that one again, fo' sho'

The Art of Negotiation

I just read most of "Getting to Yes", a book about negotiation.

It's a great book, and I learned a lot. Now that I am back on the job hunt, I feel that I have a new tool at my disposal. Using the skills I learned in the book, I feel that I can give myself a serious leg up on the job hunt.

There's just one problem. In my head, I can quickly employ the various strategies I have read about. I can make convincing cases, I can steer the conversation where I want - in short, I dominate.

But in reality, this doesn't happen. I get tongue-tied. When the girl from HR tells me that they looked at my resume last night, but there were just SO many resumes, and they didn't think I was a good fit, I just stammered. I still think I'm qualified (ok, thank you). I still want to let you know that I'm interested (ok, good bye). Checkmate.

Why couldn't I think on the fly? Why didn't I point out that the resume is only one factor in deciding who is a good candidate? Why didn't I emphasize the fact that my background couldn't advocate for me as well as I could in person? Why didn't I push for an interview, even if my resume wasn't among the choicest?

Why do I only think of the right things to say after I have hung up the phone?

My other phone call was also cut short, but it's not checkmate yet. The man sounded in a major rush, and he kept saying he was in a meeting (why he was answering his phone during a meeting, I'm not sure). They will get back to me, he said, but he can't talk, he's in a meeting.

Did he mention he was in a meeting?

I suppose these are educational experiences. One day, I will be gainfully employed.

Aztec Surprise

Ok, so this is a retroactive culinary creation. But it fits with the recently mentioned Mexican theme.

Aztec Surprise is simply hot cocoa (made with whole milk, of COURSE) with a little instant coffee. But what makes it Aztec is the ground Cayenne pepper you put in there (the Aztecs were known for mixing sweet and spicy).

People, you have to try red pepper in either your coffee or your hot chocolate or some combination of those two. Take the plunge. It is exciting to drink.

MexiDogs

I am hereby beginning something I will hopefully continue. I would like to document spontaneous culinary creations of which I am proud. I suppose for the sake of documentary accuracy it would be more appropriate to note the creations of which I am embarrassed as well. I'm going to take it one step at a time, though, and for now I am proud of my MexiDogs.

The MexiDogs are simply hot dogs covered in a onion/pepper Mexican hot relish. They hit the spot. The main weakness was actually the dogs themselves, which had spent too much time in the freezer and came out a little leathery.

But I am proud of the relish and hope to use it in future creations.

Old Man

I had a general idea of how to build the wine press, but I lacked materials. Thus, I found myself once again in that cavernous wonderland of a warehouse: the Home Depot.

The Home Depot is one of my favorite stores out there. I like smelling lumber and paint. I like the aisles of nuts and bolts and screws and brackets in all shapes and sizes. The testosterone glazed shrines to power tools make me grin.

Unfortunately, the HD staff was a bit of a letdown. They didn't seem to really know where anything was. They weren't handymen or handywomen. This was just another job to them. Instead of flipping burgers, they wore orange aprons and directed people to where they could find paint.

An encounter with one employee left me particularly hopeless. In one hand I held a large screw, which was labeled as 3/4" in diameter. In another, I held a piece with a hole inside, labeled as 1/2" in diameter. Being that 3/4 is bigger than 1/2, I was perplexed as to why the hole was larger than the screw. After presenting this little curiosity to the HD employee, he responded as follows (in a patronizing tone): "No, see, this (the piece with the hole) is 1/2, and YOU need 3/4"

I didn't feel like explaining the concept of kal v'chomer.

Just as I was about to give up, I saw an old man employee. His name tag said "Gil". I thought to myself, this guy is definitely the kind of guy who knows his stuff, who has worked with his hands all his life. I went up to him and explained what I was trying to do. He eagerly took to the task, although he didn't really seem to know exactly where to find the part I wanted. Still, we attacked the problem together, each trying to come up with ideas as we wandered aimlessly through different parts of the store.

At one point Gil turned to me
"Where are you from?"
"Scarsdale"
"Were you there this morning?"
"Huh?"
"Do you daven at the Young Israel?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Oh. You were at the late minyan today?"
"Yeah!"
"I was at the early one."

Go figure! Turns out his name is Garfinkel ("Not Garfunkel, not Greunfunkel!") and he goes to my shul.

GG never really found me the part I was looking for, but we parted ways, and I had made a new friend. I eventually found things that would suffice for my purposes and took them home.

This just in

Mr. Trask has kindly offered to send me a reimbursement check. 10 points for the landlord.

Cautionary Tale

The following is an email conversation between myself and a landlord in Washington Heights. The purpose of this post is to show anyone out there looking for apartments that this can be a sticky business, indeed.

First of all, let me make something clear: this interaction has left me more with a sense of bemusement than anything else. There is nothing personal about this situation, I just find it somewhat astonishing.

The background is this: I knew, secondhand, that an apartment was being vacated. I attempted to contact the landlord through the regular means of communication, to no avail. Instead, I contacted the current tenant, who told me that the landlord did not yet know that she was vacating. She said the landlord had called her asking why people were inquiring about the apartment.

She gave me a date to call the landlord, saying she'd give him notice by then. As far as she knew, the apartment wasn't spoken for.

He was out of the office that day, but here is the conversation we had today (the names have been altered to protect their identities)

**********

YONI LEVINSON:

Hi Mr. Trask,

This is Yoni Levinson again - I emailed you last week asking if you had any vacancies in [The Taj Mahal]; I still haven't heard back from you.

Please let me know if you have anything opening up. I'd like to apply for a lease if you do.

Thanks!

Yoni L.

ADAM TRASK:

There are no vacancies, sorry.

YONI LEVINSON:

I see. Has someone already picked up the lease on [3.14159]? The current tenant told me that she is moving out at the end of August.

ADAM TRASK:

Yes, that is spoken for already.

YONI LEVINSON:

She told me that she only gave you notice as of last Friday. Did someone apply for the lease between then and now? Because I tried calling you on that day and I received a message saying that you were out of the office.

I'm just a little bit confused as to when someone would have had a chance to pick up the lease.

ADAM TRASK:

Believe me, someone who is a very good friend of her already knew weeks and weeks ago and has been in contact with me. The apartment is not available.

YONI LEVINSON:

Oh. If that's true, then why didn't you tell me the apartment was spoken for when I contacted you at the beginning of the month?

ADAM TRASK:

I cannot go on and on with this. I get dozens of calls a day from people either looking to move into the building or people in the building asking different things. It gets confusing. Many, many times the tenants plan everything out among themselves without telling me what they are planning, and we are the landlord. The bottom line is there is someone who is going to take this apartment and there is nothing available.

YONI LEVINSON:

I understand - it can be frustrating to manage all the requests. I happen to know, in this case, that the current tenant at least did not plan anything. And I also know that when I contacted you I specifically mentioned this apartment.

I'd imagine that you are not interested in the moment in going back in time to sort out who contacted you first. I don't expect you to reneg on this person who is taking over 1E. In light of the miscommunication between me, you and the former tenant, however, I'd imagine you have no problem refunding my $50 deposit that I made on the online form yesterday; as a courtesy.

Thanks

**********

So far, no word from Mr. - uh - Trask

The lessons we learn here are manifold. Firstly, when it comes to highly desirable pieces of real estate, people (at least in Washington Heights) prefer secrecy over open disclosure as to the destiny of their apartments once they vacate them. This I find quite intriguing. Why would anyone attempt to hide (let us assume, from the evidence, that this may have occurred) the fact that an apartment was spoken for? It didn't serve anyone else's interests, and now I'm short $50!

Of course, the other lesson here is that landlords might not play by the rules. I was under the impression, at least, that landlords are not supposed to lease out apartments that are not technically available for leasing. Maybe I would replace "rules" with "conventional wisdom".

All this is interesting social commentary and jolly good sport (I, at least, enjoyed my email spat). The only part of this whole story that is actually somewhat sad is the culture that has arisen among fellow Jews - one rife with distrust, competition and sometimes even deceit. Believe it or not, it's totally possible to conduct this business, end up with an outcome to your liking, and still manage to avoid these shameful aspects.