Flysick

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Nachi Flyshacker. Nachi liked to run and play and sing, and do all the things that boys like to do. He was footloose and fancy-free; a happy boy indeed.

Then, Nachi got the flu.

It started out as a feeling in Nachi's stomach after he woke up from his Shabbos nap. Nachi figured he had eaten a little too much cholent and kugel, if you get his drift. Still, the feeling persisted and Nachi didn't eat anything for the rest of the day.

That night, Nachi was unable to fall asleep. This was strange, because Nachi had slept on that very couch countless times before and he never once had trouble. And yet that night Nachi tossed and Nachi turned, only finally falling asleep in the wee hours of the morning.

When he got up in the morning, Nachi figured his symptoms would wear off by the end of the day. And, in fact, things seemed to be getting better. He rode a bus to Pittsburgh for a wedding, and felt fine on the trip. He even felt ok in Pittsburgh itself, taking some time to see the sights.

But by the time the wedding started, Nachi began to realize that his battle with the virus wasn't over just yet. He tried to subdue the virus by drowning it in drink and bread, and by dancing vigorously until sweat poured down his face. While this may have entertained the bride and groom, it only aggravated the virus' effects, causing poor Nachi to seek refuge across the street from the hotel, where he lay down next to a fountain for a little while until his head cleared.

That night, Nachi's nose began to run like crazy and continued doing so in the morning. For the bus ride home the next day, Nachi was paired up with another sick girl so as to minimize the risk of contaminating other passengers. This seemd cute at the time, but in hindsight it was probably a bad idea, as it may have aggravated Nachi's own symptoms. He survived the ride, but when he got home Nachi collapsed, overcome by the virus.

It took him a long time to get to sleep that night, and by 9 AM Tuesday morning his head felt like a ton of bricks. On Tuesday, Nachi wisely decided to treat his body gingerly. He drank tea and ate English muffins or porridge. He kept his body restful. He went through a lot of tissues. He ate a large dinner and went to sleep early.

Now, when Nachi awoke at 3 AM Wednesday morning and could not fall back asleep, he should have taken this as a sign that he was NOT better yet. But Nachi was tired of all these viral shenanigans and when morning came, he drank some strong coffee and drove into the city to do some business, and drink some more coffee.

The coffee gave Nachi the false illusion of vitality and strength. And it worked up an appetite so that when he came home for lunch he fixed himself some spicy hamburgers which he washed down with half a bottle of Budweiser.

In doing so, Nachi committed the tragic mistake of celebrating a premature victory; a mistake which - as TV and movies remind us time and time again - is always a clear sign that victory is not yet at hand.

Nachi has spent this afternoon regretting his lunchtime binge. He has been staggering through the house amidst the dirty dishes he is now too weak to clean up. He tried to drown the virus in the shower, but that just left him feeling wet.

The good news is, there is still hope for Nachi. The worst has passed and as long as he goes easy on himself, Nachi's immune system should vanquish these foreign anti-bodies. But Nachi will not be quick to pick another fight with THIS virus...