Ice, Ice Baby

Whatever you do, don't put your cell phone in the freezer.

Here's the context for that warning: I put mine in the freezer this weekend, and it broke.

Here's the unsatisfying, apologetic explanation for this profoundly short-sighted act of folly: it was making noise and it was Shabbos, so I couldn't turn it off. Now, this has happened to me before...

*** Flyshack Flashback ***

One Shabbos, in my 209 days, my phone's alarm clock began to go off at 7 in the morning. It wasn't as bad as the time that Jonathan's computer started to blast "Savior" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers (my absolute favorite band of all time) at 6 AM one Shabbos morning in 911 (when he wasn't even there), but it was still pretty annoying. I needed to put my phone somewhere where the effect of its noise would be minimal. I chose the freezer, and it was fine afterwards.

[Note: if anyone is curious about the halachic permissibility of moving a phone on Shabbos, I refer you to Daniel J Schoenbrun , who has acted as my Moreh Hora'ah in muktza situations]

*** End of Flashback ***

So when my phone started to make noise again, I thought "Better put it in the freezer!" And I did, right between some frozen vegetables and Tabachnik soup.

Four hours later, I tried to fire up my frosty phone. The buttons felt a little weird, and it was most certainly not turning on. Not a good sign. For the next night and day I tried to charge it, to no avail. At this point, I didn't know if I had just killed the battery or if I would need a new phone.

The next day I called up Motorola tech support. I figured that a qualified engineer could easily tell me if I would need a new phone, or if it was just the battery. This, by the way, began my string of embarrassing conversations, all of which began with "So, I put my phone in the freezer..." The Motorola woman must have been pretty excited, because it was clearly her first time speaking the English language with another person. After an unpleasant 15 minute conversation, she concluded that my phone had "liquid damage", one of the 2 kinds of damage that just happened to not be covered by their warranty. I would need a new phone, she said.

I disagreed, so I took it down to the Verizon store on Market. Of course, they couldn't let me try a battery out; I had to buy it first. So I had to wait in a little underground dungeon until a guy was ready to see me. He put a battery in, and it worked. "Great! How much?" I asked. "$40" he said.

ForGET it! I bought a battery for $20 from a little ghetto store instead.

At least I didn't put it in the microwave.